Birds of a Feather
by madeleine68
Summary: Six-year-old Alex Cabot moves next door to Olivia Benson. Both girls have secrets . . . A/U. THE FINAL CHAPTER IS UP!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: If you've seen them on the show, they are unfortunately not mine, though I wish they were.**

**Author's note: This is completely AU. Alex and Olivia are both six at the beginning of the story. Allow me a bit of leeway here; this was just an idea I had.**

**Please write me a review if you want the next chapter!**

Olivia Benson bounced her makeshift ball against the brick wall outside her house. She had made it out of rubber bands she'd gotten from her teacher at school. She caught the ball and threw it again, shivering as a gust of wind ruffled her long-sleeved black shirt.

She looked up as she heard the gentle roar of an engine pulling into the driveway adjacent to hers. She caught the ball and walked to the edge of her lawn as a little girl with blonde pigtails and clear blue eyes hopped out of the backseat of the black Lexus. The girl was wearing a ruffled pink shirt underneath a heavy blue jacket and baby blue leggings. She clutched a blonde American Girl doll in her arms and pulled a pink Disney princess suitcase along behind her. She smiled when she saw Olivia and gave her a shy wave.

"Hi," said Olivia. "Are you moving in here?"

The blonde girl nodded her head.

"I'm Olivia," she said. "What's your name?"

"I'm Alex," said the other girl quietly.

"How old are you?" asked Olivia.

Alex held up six fingers.

"Me, too! Do you want to come over and play?"

A man climbed out of the driver's seat of the Lexus and walked over to Alex. "Hey, baby. Who's this?"

Olivia stepped back out of instinct. "I'm Olivia," she whispered. "I live here."

The man smiled at her. "It's nice to meet you, Olivia. I'm Devon Cabot, Alex's father."

"Daddy, can I go play with Olivia?" asked Alex, looking up at her father.

He put his hands on her shoulders. "Not right now, sweetie. Let's get unpacked first, okay?"

Alex nodded. "Okay."

Olivia went back to bouncing her ball against the house. "See you, Alex."

Alex trotted to the trunk of the car and pulled out a pink Disney princess backpack. She balanced it on top of her suitcase and started for the front door.

A shout suddenly came from inside the house. "Olivia Benson! What in the world are you doing?"

Olivia's smile disappeared as her mother appeared in the driveway. "N-nothing, Mom."

"You're making a huge racket," growled her mother.

"I – I'm sorry," whispered Olivia, dropping the ball and hugging herself.

Alex turned to watch Serena Benson grab her daughter roughly by the hand and yank her into the house.

Alex averted her eyes and looked at her mother. "Mommy, can we go in?"

Her mother fumbled through her purse for the key. "Here we go." She unlocked the door and Alex, trying to push Olivia out of her mind, skipped inside.

"Where's my room?" asked Alex, kicking off her sneakers.

"I'll show you," said her mother, taking off her shoes and arranging them neatly on the mat. She dropped her bags on the ground. "Daddy will be in with the rest of your stuff in a few minutes. Come on."

Alex followed her mother upstairs to a pretty bedroom that they'd gotten painted pink. Alex's princess posters from her old house lined the walls and there was a canopy bed with a princess bedspread in the room. Alex smiled and flopped down on it. "Daddy brought my posters!"

Jennifer Cabot beamed at her daughter. "That's right. Do you want some help unpacking?"

Alex nodded and opened her suitcase. She started taking out t-shirts and pants and laid them on the bed as her mother neatly folded them and placed them in Alex's white chest of drawers.

Her father came upstairs a moment later and dropped two more bags in Alex's room. "Jennifer, come into our room. Alex is a big girl and she can do it herself."

Alex's mother bit her lip. "You okay, baby?"

Alex nodded. "Yeah. I'm going to tuck Lissie into the bed. She needs a nap." Lissie was what Alex called her doll, who she had named Melissa.

Her mother nodded and followed Devon Cabot into their bedroom. Alex stared after them for a moment before closing her door and tucking her doll into bed. "See, Lissie, this is where we're going to live now," she said. "This is where we're going to sleep and that's where are clothes are going to go and that's where –" She cringed as she heard a cry and then a whimper coming from the direction of her parents' room. She covered her ears with her hands and hugged her doll to her chest.

Alex drew open her blinds and stared out her window in an attempt to ignore the shrieks coming from her parents' room. She noticed that her window looked directly into Olivia's. She saw the brunette lying on her bed, curled on her side in the fetal position. Alex tapped lightly on the window and Olivia looked up and smiled. Alex opened her window as Olivia walked over to hers and opened it as well. "Hi, Alex," she said.

"Hi," said Alex with a shy smile. She noticed a dark bruise on Olivia's face. "What happened to your cheek?"

"Nothing," said Olivia quickly, her face immediately clouding and closing off.

Alex changed the subject. "Are you going to start school next week?"

"Yeah. Are you?"

Alex nodded. "Are you going to be in grade one?"

"Yeah. Are you?"

"Maybe we'll be in the same class."

"It's so cool how we can talk to each other like this," said Olivia with a smile. "Your room is pretty."

Alex smiled back. She glanced around Olivia at her room, which was very bare. She had a single bed and a few pictures taped to the wall, but the rest of the room was bare.

Olivia pointed at Alex's doll, lying underneath the covers of Alex's bed. "Your doll is pretty, too."

"Her name is Melissa, but I call her Lissie," explained Alex. "She's an American Girl doll. I got her when we were in Manhattan, where we used to live. We went to the American Girl Place for my birthday. It was my best birthday ever!"

A wistful, longing expression flashed across Olivia's face for a moment, but it was gone as rapidly as it had appeared.

"What did you do for your birthday?" asked Alex.

Olivia shrugged. "I don't know."

Alex smirked. "How do you not know what you did for your birthday?"

She shrugged again. "I guess it wasn't that big a deal."

"Oh." Alex didn't know what to say to that. Her parents had always made a huge deal out of every single one of her birthdays.

She heard a crash coming from Olivia's house and the brunette stepped back from the window. "I gotta go," she said to Alex. "Maybe I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay. Bye, Olivia."

She heaved a sigh as Olivia closed her window and closed her blinds. She collapsed on her bed and hugged her doll, covering her ears with her hands to block out the screaming from down the hall.

"Lissie," she whispered to her doll. "I'll tell you a story, okay? Would you like that?" She made her doll nod. "Okay. Once upon a time, there was a princess and her name was Alex. Alex had a mommy and a daddy who were the king and queen and they loved her very much. She had a little sister named Sarah and Sarah was her best friend. They got into all sorts of adventures together. One day Sarah and Alex were outside riding their purple ponies and they picked purple flowers and put them in their hair and when they got back –"

Her story was interrupted by a knock on the door. "Can I come in?" asked her mother's soft voice.

Alex sighed. "Okay."

Jennifer Cabot opened the door and sat down on Alex's bed. Alex averted her eyes from the dark bruises on her mother's wrists, as if someone had grabbed her harshly. "How are you doing, sweetie?"

Alex shrugged. "I'm okay. I was telling Lissie a story."

"What's the story about?" asked her mother.

"A princess."

Jennifer gave her a wry smile. "Do you want to play a game?"

Alex shrugged again. "Where's Daddy?"

Her mother sighed. "Daddy's not feeling too well. He's lying down."

"Mommy, did he hurt you again?" whispered Alex.

She tried to smile, but it came out as more of a grimace. "No, honey. I'm fine."

"Then Mommy, what happened to your hands?"

Jennifer pulled down her sleeves. "I did something wrong and Daddy got upset."

Alex sighed as if she was bearing the weight of the world on her shoulders and rested her head on her mother's shoulder. She couldn't help but think of Olivia. "I met the girl who lives next door," she told her mother.

"That's nice. What's her name?"

"Olivia. She's six, like me."

"That's good. Maybe you guys will be in the same class when you start school on Tuesday."

"Maybe," agreed Alex.

Her mother stroked he hair. "Do you want me to read to you?"

"Okay." Alex got up to choose a book. She was a good reader and could read most picture books and some short chapter books by herself but she still enjoyed it when her mother read to her.

Jennifer Cabot cleared her throat and started the story. Alex sighed and cuddled up to her mother. It was the same every time, but that didn't stop Alex from basking in her mother's warmth while she could. Devon Cabot was usually a good man, but he would occasionally snap and attack his wife. Alex, even when she wasn't a direct witness, always saw the bruises afterward. Her mother would always spend time reading or playing games with her after these incidents, feeling guilty that her daughter had heard her husband hitting her.

Jennifer closed the book when she finished reading. "One more story?" begged Alex.

Her mother glanced at the clock. "Not right now, Lex. I need to start dinner. Do you want to help me?"

"Okay."

Alex climbed off the bed and slipped her hand into her mother's. Jennifer smiled at her daughter and they walked down the stairs into the kitchen together.

"What are we having for dinner, Mommy?" asked Alex.

"Daddy wanted some steak, so I thought maybe we'd make a salad, too. You can help me with the fruit. Wash your hands, Lex."

Alex rolled up her sleeves and turned on the sink. She lathered her hands with soap and washed them off.

Her mother handed her a container of strawberries. "Will you wash the strawberries for me?"

Alex nodded. She took them out, one strawberry at a time, and immersed them carefully in cold water.

Jennifer laughed when she saw what Alex was doing. "Alex, you can wash them all together, you know."

She shook her head. "I want them to be really clean."

"Okay, then," said her mother with a smile.

Alex finished washing the strawberries, then moved on to washing grapes.

"Honey, is dinner almost ready?" asked a voice. Both Alex and her mother jumped when they noticed Devon Cabot standing in the doorway.

"Yes, dear," replied Jennifer. "Alex is helping me with a fruit salad."

Devon nodded. "Ten minutes?"

"Yes," agreed Jennifer. "Alex, honey, will you set the table?"

Alex nodded and carried three plates to the table.

They ate dinner, then Jennifer Cabot tucked her daughter into bed. Alex gave her mother a butterfly kiss. "I love you, Mommy."

"I love you, too, Lex."

"Mommy," whispered Alex as her mother started to leave. "Stay with me."

"I can't, Lex. I'm going to go spend some time with Daddy."

Alex sighed. "Okay."

"Goodnight, Alex."

"Goodnight, Mommy," said Alex quietly as her mother left the room, closing the door behind her.

Alex sighed and curled up on the bed, clutching her doll to her chest and pressing her lips to Melissa's head. She tried to muffle the sounds that came from her parents' bedroom every night, the ones that she should have been used to by now but bothered her anyway. She lay in bed, listening to her mother's soft whimpering through the thin wall. She looked up at the ceiling and prayed.

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	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: If you've seen them on the show, they are unfortunately not mine, though I wish they were.**

**Please review!**

The next day, Olivia needed to get out of her house. Her mother and the boyfriend du jour, Alan, were drinking themselves into oblivion and she wanted no part in it. So Olivia pulled on a dark sweatshirt to cover the burns on her arms and trudged off to the nearby park.

It was a ten-minute walk, but Olivia had her own special place where she went whenever she needed to be alone. There was a mile-long path that led from the park to the main street. A hundred feet or so down the path, there was another path that led to a meadow. It was a large clearing with apple trees and lots of flowers blooming, and it was the most peaceful place Olivia had ever been. She would sit in the field and make weave a necklace of flowers or play with the doll she'd made out of a sock and sewed outfits for out of an old pillowcase. She would toss a ball around, climb a tree, or just sit on a bench and think. Here, she could forget about her problems for a few moments. She could ignore the constant threat of her drunken mother and the long line or sleazy, abusive boyfriends that rotated each week.

Olivia reached the meadow and climbed one of the apple trees. She leaned against one of the branches and plucked a perfect green apple from the tree. She wiped it off on her grimy sweatshirt even though this was mostly for show than for anything and took a bite.

"Hey!" called a voice from down below. "That's dirty!"

Olivia was so startled that she almost fell out of the tree and had to grab two thick branches to steady herself. She looked down at the intruder. It was Alex, clutching the hand of a woman who was her carbon copy. They had the same icy blue eyes, pale skin, blonde hair, and sharp features. "What are _you _doing here?" Olivia demanded.

Alex shrugged. "Mommy and I were taking a walk. What are you doing in a tree?"

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Eating an apple."

Alex looked hurt. "Hey, what's the matter?"

Olivia sighed. She was only irritable because of what her mother and the boyfriend of the week had done to her the night before, and that wasn't Alex's fault. So she shifted in the tree, making room for Alex to come sit next to her. "Nothing. You wanna come sit with me?"

The other girl looked a bit reluctant.

Olivia smirked. "You don't know how to climb a tree?"

"Of course I do!" replied Alex, sounding offended. "I'll just get dirty and Daddy won't like it."

Her mother gave her hand an encouraging squeeze. "It's okay, Lex. Go play with your friend."

Alex grabbed onto a tree branch and walked her feet up the trunk until she was high up enough to pull herself onto the branch. Within minutes, she was next to Olivia.

Her friend cocked an eyebrow. "Impressive."

Alex gave her a self-satisfied smirk. "So, what are you doing in a tree?"

Olivia shrugged and took another bite of her apple. "Getting an apple. Want one?"

The blonde girl made a face. "They're dirty."

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Okay," she said in a singsong voice.

Alex smiled and leaned back against the tree trunk. "You know, it's nice here."

"It's my special place," Olivia told her. "Or, at least, it _was_."

Her friend gave her an impish grin. "I can leave if you want me to."

"That's okay. We're friends. We can share it."

Alex pulled some boondoggle out of her pocket and started to stitch.

"Hey, that's cool!" said Olivia. "Can you show me how to do it?"

"Okay," agreed Alex. She pulled apart a piece of string as long as Olivia's arm and handed it to her. "Okay, so put the string like this."

The girls spent the afternoon doing gimp and eating "dirty" apples (or in Alex's case, watching Olivia eat said apples).

Around mid-afternoon, Alex's mother took her home. "I'll see you later," Olivia called after her. Alex turned and gave her friend a small wave in response.

Olivia heaved a sigh as she watched the other girl leave with her mother. She didn't want to go home just yet, but there was no point in postponing the inevitable and she knew it. When her mother regained some semblance of lucidity, she would be wondering where her daughter was, and if Olivia wasn't home she could expect to be punished.

She jumped out of the tree, burying two more apples in the pockets of her sweatshirt for later, and trudged home. She let herself in the house and tiptoed to her room, trying not to disturb her mother and Alan.

But no such luck. "Olivia!" slurred Alan from the family room. "Come here, baby."

Olivia cringed, but obediently plodded down to greet her mother and the boyfriend. "Hi," she whispered, clasping her hands to stop them from shaking.

"Hey, baby, come sit on my lap," called Alan, patting his knee.

Olivia flinched but did as she was told. Alan's eyes were bloodshot and unfocussed and he wasn't wearing a shirt, revealing a hairy, disgusting pot belly. He lifted up Olivia's shirt and began to rub her back, pushing hard enough that it hurt her battered skin. She winced as he ran his grimy hands over layers of bruises, some of which he himself had inflicted.

Serena Benson took another swig from a bottle of Jack Daniels. "Babe, why don't you give me some of that?" she slurred, glancing toward Alan's general direction.

"Later," he said dismissively. "You got a beautiful little girl here, Rina."

Olivia squirmed as he moved up to massaging her thin shoulder blades. She closed her eyes and tried to stay still, knowing he would smack her if she moved around too much, but it was both painful and uncomfortable. She didn't like when he touched her like this, but then, it was better than what he did to her when he came into her room at night.

Finally it was over. "Go to your room," snapped Serena, and Olivia scampered up the stairs at top speed, happy to comply.

She lay on her bed, curling her knees to her chest, but she didn't cry. She never cried. She'd learned years ago that it was better not to cry, better not to show her weakness, better not to show her fear.

She sat up when she heard a gentle rap on the window. She looked up to see Alex knocking on her window and gave her friend a small smile. She walked over the window and opened it. "Hey, Alex." She could hear crying that seemed to be coming from Alex's house, but she knew better than to say anything. She'd learned long ago that what happens at home, stays at home, and people don't appreciate it if you butt into their business.

"Hi, Olivia," said Alex with a sigh. "Um, I actually wanted to ask you if you wanted to come back-to-school shopping with us. Except if you've already gone."

Olivia hesitated. She did, but she also didn't have any money to buy new school supplies and she knew her mother wouldn't give her any. She didn't know how to explain this to Alex, though. "I already went," she lied,

Her friend's face fell. "Oh. Oh, well. That's okay."

"Thanks anyway," said Olivia politely. She felt bad that she'd lied to her friend, but she didn't see any other way out.

Olivia's eyes widened when she heard footsteps on the steps. "I've gotta go," she told Alex, slamming the window shut. She leapt back onto her bed, anxiously fingering the boondoggle that her friend had given her earlier and starting to stitch.

Her door flew open and she resisted the urge to recoil from the light and the man standing in the doorway, licking his lips as he watched her. "Hi, Alan," she said, trying to keep her voice as measured as possible.

He advanced toward her and Olivia tried not to shy away. She didn't want her mother's boyfriend to see her fear. He sat down next to her on the bed and she braced herself, preparing for his rough hands to caress her broken body.

But it didn't come. Alan just sat there, watching her, and it was making her nervous. She found herself wishing he would just get on with it, no matter how much "it" hurt.

"Olivia," said Alan quietly. "You know, what you and I do together is very special. I love you and the love we share is special too. I love your mother, but not in the same way as I love you. Sometimes that makes your mother jealous."

Olivia didn't know what to say to that. She just sat there, watching him with a wary eye, frozen in terror.

"Sometimes your mother gets angry about that. She might ask you questions about our love, and that's because she's jealous or angry, so you can't take it personally. But you have to try to make her feel better and tell her she's the only one and I love her, because otherwise she'll get more upset, and you know how she is."

Olivia inclined her head slightly, wondering where he was going with this, wondering why he was telling her now.

"So, Olivia, if anyone, _anyone_, whether it's a teacher, because you're starting school next week, or your mother or your friends asks you about us, what will you say?"

She got it now. "I'll say you love Mommy," she whispered. "Not me." She knew it was what he wanted her to say and so she said it, to avoid further punishment.

Alan's face relaxed. "Good. That's good, baby."

She cringed at the term of endearment. "So – so that's it?"

"Actually, Olivia, I was thinking we'd try something new today," he said with what he obviously was hoping would appear an encouraging smile.

"No, thank you," she whispered.

Alan's amicable demeanor disappeared and he gripped Olivia harshly by the shoulders. "Olivia, I want you to be a big girl now and do this for me. It'll be nice, I promise." He lifted her off the bed.

Olivia was trembling, but she tried to hide it, as Alan unbuckled his belt and stepped out of his pants. She closed her eyes and tried to calm her shallow breathing, dreading what she knew was coming next.

Alan lifted off her shirt and then pulled down the rest of her clothes and laid them on her dresser. Olivia shivered from cold and from fear as he lifted her back up onto the bed. This time, she squeezed her eyes shut and let him do what he wanted.

**Review for chapter three!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: If you've seen them on the show, they are unfortunately not mine, though I wish they were.**

**Review for more!**

Alex didn't see her friend again until the Monday night before the first day of school. She'd knocked on the window many times before then, but the blinds had remained closed, and Olivia hadn't come. She worried about her friend, but there was nothing she could do.

On Monday night, though, she rapped on the window and Olivia did appear. Her friend looked gaunt, much paler, and Alex noticed she had a fading black eye, but didn't comment. Instead, she said, "Hey, Olivia, do you want my parents to drive you to school tomorrow with me? We can go together."

"Okay," agreed Olivia, running a hand through her shoulder-length brown hair. "How come?"

"I'm scared," she confessed. "I'd be less scared with a friend."

Olivia smiled, glad that Alex had called her a friend.

"I lost a tooth," said Alex, changing the subject. She opened her mouth to show Olivia the gap in her front teeth. "Look."

Olivia scrunched her face up. "Doesn't it hurt?"

Alex shrugged. "No. And I got a whole dollar from the tooth fairy."

Olivia looked confused. "What's the tooth fairy?"

"Your mommy never told you about her? Her name is Matilda and she takes your teeth and gives you a dollar for them."

She laughed. "That's silly. What does she want teeth for?"

Alex shrugged again. "I don't know. I'll ask my mommy."

"My mommy doesn't believe in fairies," said Olivia sadly, looking at the ground.

"Oh." Alex thought for a moment. "You can share my tooth fairy. Next time I lose a tooth, I'll write Matilda a note and tell her to be your fairy too, because you don't have one." She smiled a triumphant gap-toothed smile at Olivia, glad she'd solved the problem.

Olivia smiled back. "Cool!"

* * *

The next morning Olivia met Alex in front of her house. Alex's hair was done neatly in two blonde pigtails and she carried a pink Disney princess backpack with a matching lunch box. She wore pink leggings and a new purple shirt over them and pink Disney princess shoes that lit up when she stamped her feet. Olivia, on the other hand, was wearing her trademark oversized black sweatshirt, tattered jeans, and old running shoes. She had a ratty black backpack slung over one shoulder and her fading black eye was still visible.

"Where's your lunch?" asked Alex as Olivia chucked her bag into the backseat at her feet.

Olivia shrugged. "I'm not hungry," she replied, looking at the ground.

"I'll share mine with you," offered Alex.

"I'm okay," her friend said, but her grumbling stomach contradicted her statement.

The blonde opened up her Disney princess lunch box and tossed Olivia a banana. "Have something to eat."

Olivia hesitated for just a moment before devouring the banana like a wolf gobbles its prey when it hasn't eaten for a week.

Alex laughed and climbed into her booster seat. She buckled her seatbelt before turning back to her friend. "Sorry, we only have one car seat," she apologized.

Olivia shrugged again. "It's okay." She sat down next to her friend and did up her own belt as the Cabots climbed into the front of the car.

Devon Cabot turned on the engine and drove the girls to their school, which was only three blocks away. "Have a good day, girls," he said, letting them out of the car at the front door.

Alex and Olivia exchanged glances before exiting the car. They slung their bags onto their backs and clutched onto each other's hands as they trotted toward the doors and started for their first grade classroom.

Their new classroom had ABC's and 123's lining the walls, along with drawings and each child's name written in bubble letters. It looked like a welcoming room. The girls hung their bags on adjacent hooks as a tall, friendly-looking woman with light brown hair pulled into a ponytail knelt down to greet them. "Hello, girls," she said. "Welcome to grade one. I'm Ms. Lyle. What are your names?"

"I'm Olivia," replied Olivia. "And this is Alex."

"It's nice to meet you," said Ms. Lyle.

"Hi," said Alex shyly as their teacher peeled nametags off a sheet and handed one to each girl. She attached hers carefully to her shirt and Olivia sloppily stuck hers on her sweatshirt.

"You two can go sit on the carpet," said Ms. Lyle with a smile.

The girls sat down next to each other on the light blue carpet at the front of the room. There was a rocking chair and a whiteboard in front of the carpet. The whiteboard said _Welcome _in big block letters.

A boy with a mop of curly red hair and freckles all over his face came up behind Olivia and tapped her on the shoulder. "Hey," he said.

Olivia turned around. "Hi."

The boy smirked. "Are you a boy or a girl?"

"Screw you," snapped Olivia. She didn't know exactly what this meant, but her mother said it whenever she was angry, and the boy's words had upset her quite a bit. This was not a good start.

"Olivia," said Ms. Lyle, sounding surprised as she came up behind her. "What did you just say?"

She realized a second too late that this had been the wrong thing to say. "Never mind," she said hastily, stepping back out of instinct just in case her teacher was angry enough to hit her.

Ms. Lyle knelt down in front of Olivia. "Olivia, that is a very inappropriate thing to say and I never want to hear you use those words again. Do you understand?"

"He was being mean to her," Alex cut in, standing up for her friend.

Their teacher sighed; it was the first day of school and she wasn't looking for a fight. "Just don't let it happen again."

Alex noticed Olivia's clenched fists and the quavering in her arms. "Are you okay?" she whispered to her friend.

Olivia inclined her head. "Yeah." She uncurled her hands. "Sorry."

The girls sat back down on the carpet as Ms. Lyle introduced herself again and asked them to sit in a circle. Then she asked each child to say their name, their favorite color, and how many brothers and sisters they had.

Olivia, though, was still shaking from the confrontation. It left a bitter taste in her mouth that she couldn't wash away, no matter how hard she tried.

It was going to be a long school year.

* * *

Alex sat on the curb licking a banana Popsicle two weeks later, wearing shorts and a pink tank top that clung to her back because of the heat. Beads of sweat had gathered on her forehead and she looked up as Olivia plodded down her walkway. She smiled at her friend but Olivia didn't even look at her as she crossed the lawn and plopped down next to Alex, averting her eyes. She wrapped her arms around her knees and didn't say anything to Alex.

She watched Olivia for a moment, growing increasingly worried when her friend buried her head in her hands and took a deep breath. "Liv," she whispered, putting a hand on the brunette's back. "Are you okay?"

Olivia flinched and shied away from Alex, but she looked up to meet her friend's eyes. Her own eyes were red and Alex could tell she'd been crying, which frightened her. Olivia was always the strong one. Alex had never seen her cry before.

She was wearing a dark sweatshirt and a scarf around her neck, even though it was unusually warm for September, approaching ninety degrees. "Olivia, what happened?" asked Alex gently, even though part of her realized that she didn't really want to know. She'd seen the same deadened look in her mother's eyes after she'd been given a particularly harsh beating.

Olivia sighed. She stared into Alex's icy blue eyes, hesitating for a moment before she pulled her sweatshirt over her head to reveal a series of cigarette burns and cuts, welts and bruises that covered her arms and back, and those were only the visible ones, as Olivia was wearing a tank top below the sweatshirt.

Alex gaped at Olivia's battered skin. She didn't know what to say. Finally, she whispered, "Who did that to you?"

Olivia ducked her head. "Mommy," she whimpered, her face flushed in shame. "And Alan. Sometimes."

"Who's Alan?"

"Mommy's boyfriend. I don't like him."

"Why not?" she whispered, almost afraid to hear the answer.

Olivia buried her face in her hands. "He touches me in bad places." She looked at Alex through her fingers, desperation etched into her features. "Please don't tell!"

"I won't," Alex assured her with a heavy heart. "I promise. We're friends and friends don't break promises."

Olivia gave her a wry smile. "Thanks, Lex." She put her sweatshirt back on and sighed.

"Does it hurt?" asked Alex softly, part of her not wanting to know.

Olivia nodded, eyes wide.

"Where?"

"My tummy."

"Can I do anything?"

Olivia blinked back tears, looking more vulnerable than Alex had ever seen her. She held her arms out to Alex. "You can hug me."

**Review if you want chapter four!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: If you've seen them on the show, they are unfortunately not mine, though I wish they were.**

**Review for chapter five!**

"Race you to the meadow!" shouted ten-year-old Olivia.

The clearing in which she had once spent all her time had become hers and Alex's special place. They played there, chatted there, did their homework there, used it as an escape when their respective houses became too much to bear. Alex had even got over her fear of eating unwashed apples.

"I'm going to win this time!" called Alex, taking off after her friend. Of course she wouldn't; she never did. Olivia was just too fast and her competitive nature wouldn't allow her even to allow Alex to win just once.

Her blonde hair swished behind her in the wind as her sneakers pounded the grass. She was out of breath by the time she reached the meadow, no more than ten seconds after Olivia. She collapsed next to a tree, gasping for air. "That must be a record," she managed.

Olivia hadn't even broken a sweat and she smirked. "That's nice, Cabot."

Alex rolled her eyes. "Race you to the top of the tree."

"Hey, no fair!" called Olivia, scrambling up after her friend. "You got a head start."

Alex grinned. "All's fair in love and war."

"Which is it?" asked the brunette, a mischievous glint in her eye.

Alex climbed higher and picked an apple off a branch. She didn't even shine it on her shirt before taking a bite. "This one isn't so good," she commented, dropping it carelessly to the ground.

"You know, that could kill someone if it landed on them," Olivia told her.

Alex rolled her eyes. "Do you see anyone down there, Einstein?"

Olivia shrugged. "Just saying."

* * *

School started again the next day. Both girls were in the same fifth grade class and they were both dreading school. This was also the first year that all the kids were required to change for gym, which caused more problems for Olivia than anyone could have ever expected.

Gym was after lunch. Alex and the other girls changed quickly in the change room, but when Alex glanced at Olivia, she saw that her friend hadn't moved. She waited until the other girls had left before saying quietly to her friend, "What's the matter?"

Olivia looked at the ground. "I don't like anyone to see the scars."

Her words, simple as they were, pierced Alex's heart like a knife. She removed her school spirit t-shirt and put her own shirt back on. "I'll sit with you," she offered, squeezing Olivia's hand as they walked out side by side.

"Do you girls not have your gym clothes?" asked their teacher, Ms. Leary, who had a face that looked as if she was sucking on ten lemons.

Olivia glanced at Alex, who shook her head and said, "No. Sorry, Ms. Leary."

Their teacher sighed. "Fine. It's the first day of school, so it's fine for today, but please have your clothes for tomorrow."

Alex and Olivia exchanged glances as they sat down on a bench against the wall on the opposite end of the gym. "Welcome to another year of hell," said Olivia dryly.

* * *

That night, Alex couldn't sleep. She could hear her mother's quiet whimpers from her parents' room and it hurt her that there was nothing she could do to stop it. She lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. She glanced briefly at Melissa, her old American Girl doll who now sat, untouched, on her shelf. She was ten now, not a baby, and didn't play with dolls anymore.

She sat up straight in bed when she heard the gentle rap on her window. Knitting her brow in confusion, she got up, wrapped her bathrobe around her, and opened the window. Olivia was standing at her own window, her face pale, looking so small and powerless that it made Alex's heart ache.

"I can't sleep," whispered Olivia.

"Me neither," replied Alex, resting her chin in her hands.

"Stay with me," begged Olivia, her rich chocolate eyes pleading with her friend.

"I will," Alex assured her.

Olivia perched on her windowsill and they sat in silence for a few moments before Alex noticed a tear streaking down her friend's right cheek. Then she noticed the bloodstain on the hemline of Olivia's nightgown. Alex wished they were closer so that she could put her arms around her friend. Olivia looked so frightened, so helpless, her tough-as-nails façade gone for a moment, her true feelings shining through. Alex rarely saw her like this; the only times Olivia ever let down her guard were these times at night, when it was just the two of them. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked.

Olivia shook her head and pulled her knees to her chest. She rested her head on her knees and looked back at Alex.

The blonde tried to cheer her up. "Knock, knock."

Olivia rolled her eyes but gave Alex a small smile in return for her effort. "Who's there?"

"I love."

"I love who?"

"I don't know, you tell me!"

"Ha, ha," said Olivia blandly, but she smiled again in spite of herself. "We grew out of knock, knock jokes in the second grade."

Alex smirked. "Speak for yourself."

Suddenly, Olivia's bedroom door flew open and a dark man who Alex didn't recognize stood in the doorway. Olivia's chocolate eyes widened with fear as she hissed, "Alex, get away from the window!" She turned away.

The man was beside Olivia in two strides and she began to tremble as he grabbed her shoulders and shook her hard. "What are you doing?" he growled.

"Nothing," replied Olivia quickly.

Alex watched, horrified, as the man lifted her friend onto her bed. He ripped off her nightgown and unbuckled his own jeans, and Alex had to turn away, forcing down the vomit that rose in her throat. She could hear Olivia's soft sobs, but she was helpless to do anything now. This was even worse than it was with her mother.

She snapped her head back to the window at the sound of a bloodcurdling scream coming from the direction of Olivia's room. She saw the man on top of Olivia, kicking her in the stomach, hitting her as hard as he could. Alex tried to yell something, anything, to make him stop, to help her friend, but her throat had constricted and she couldn't say a word. She ran down to the kitchen and grabbed a phone, dialing 911 with shaking hands.

* * *

She watched the police officers slap handcuffs on the man and Serena Benson and lead them out of the house. An EMT lifted Olivia onto a stretcher and two others wheeled her out of that house.

The last glimpse that Alex caught of Olivia was of her friend's dark eyes, wide with terror, staring out of the back of the ambulance, pleading for someone to save her. A plea she'd made many times before, but no one ever answered.

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	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: If you've seen them on the show, they are unfortunately not mine, though I wish they were.**

**I know this one is really short but I thought this was the right place to end it and I wanted to write an update for all my loyal readers. Thank you so much to everyone who reads and reviews!**

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Alex couldn't sleep. She tossed and turned for hours in bed and finally, at 6:00, she gave up the fight. She silently dressed and grabbed a bagel for breakfast before sneaking out of her house. She ran next door as fast as her feet could carry her. Four police officers were still inside the house; their cars were still parked outside and crime scene tape covered the door. Alex hesitated and rang the doorbell anyway. She wasn't sure why she did this; obviously Olivia wasn't there, but maybe someone was, someone who could tell her what had happened to her friend.

A man with dark hair, wearing an NYPD jacket, answered the door. "I'm sorry, but this is a crime scene and you're not allowed –"

"That's okay," said Alex quickly. "I'm Alex. I live next door. What happened?"

"I'm sorry, but we can't release those details, Alex," said the man.

"Can you at least tell me where Olivia is?" pleaded Alex. "She's my best friend."

The police officer seemed to take pity on her because he said, "She's in the hospital."

"Is she going to be okay?"

"I don't know."

"Which hospital?"

"I'm sorry, but I can't tell you that. Your friend will be in ACS custody if and when she recovers." He shut the door in her face.

Alex sighed. She stood on the stoop for a moment, staring at the closed door, before turning away.

She started to walk. She didn't know where she was going, nor did she care; she had so much pent-up energy inside that she needed to expel. Before she knew it, her feet had carried her to the meadow, _their_ meadow. She climbed one of the apple trees and sat on a branch, pulling her knees to her chest as she watched the sun come up. She and Olivia had done this many times before when their houses got too much to bear. In the middle of the night, they would sneak out to the meadow and climb a tree, sitting in silence as they watched the sun rise. She wished her friend was right here beside her today.

* * *

That evening, Alex's father was hitting her mother again, and she went to the window and knocked on it before it hit her like a ton of bricks. Olivia wasn't there. She wasn't going to come to the window and distract Alex from the screaming that was coming from the other room. She was dead.

She heaved a sigh that wracked her entire body and closed her window, not wanting to look into the room in the house next to hers with the crime scene tape all over it. She turned away and noticed her doll, Melissa, perched on her shelf. She hadn't played with the doll in years, but she needed the comfort right now. She picked up Melissa and cradled her in her arms, pressing her lips to the doll's head as two tears streaked down her cheeks like large, wet pearls. She kissed her doll and sat down on the bed, rocking Melissa in her arms until her tears subsided.

She hugged her doll and pretended it was Olivia.

* * *

Alex spent the week going through the motions like a zombie. She barely spoke to anyone and she stopped eating. All she could think about was Olivia. She went on like this for three weeks before her teacher pulled her aside. "Alex, I know this is hard for you, but you need to snap out of it."

"My best friend is gone!" snapped Alex. "Leave me alone."

Ms. Leary knelt down in front of her. "Alex, Olivia isn't coming back. I know she was your best friend, but you need to let her go."

Alex felt her world crash around her and the pounding in her ears intensified. "Olivia – Olivia's _dead_?"

Her teacher sighed. "I'm sorry, Alex, but you need to accept the facts. Olivia isn't ever going to magically reappear."

Olivia's desk disappeared from the classroom and her name was taken down from the wall. Ms. Leary stopped calling her name during attendance and gradually everyone, including Alex's classmates, stopped mentioning her name.

Alex's heart had been ripped in two. The open wound eventually scarred, but never faded. The emptiness inside her heart could never be filled.

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	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: If you've seen them on the show, they are unfortunately not mine, though I wish they were.**

**This chapter takes place twenty years later when Alex and Olivia meet again. I know, again it's short, but I thought this would be the right chapter break. Thanks for all the reviews so far; they make my day!**

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Captain Don Cragen led Assistant District Attorney Alex Cabot into the squad room at the sixteenth precinct. She clasped her hands together and stood up straight, trying to be the cool, collected Ice Queen. The façade she'd put up over the years to mask her true motives for wanting this job must never waver. But as the captain introduced her to his detectives and she appraised them, her eyes were drawn to one in particular. There were three men and one woman. Her brown hair was cut short and her olive skin was well-toned. She was wearing a brown sweater and dress pants, but the thing that drew Alex the most were her eyes. Those rich, unmistakable, chocolate eyes.

There was no doubt in her mind that this was her childhood friend, Olivia Benson. Olivia Benson, whom she'd thought was dead. She turned white as a ghost, unable to tear her eyes away from her old friend.

Olivia recognized her, too. "Alex," she whispered, so softly that it was almost inaudible.

The other detectives exchanged glances and hastened to busy themselves with other work. Captain Cragen left them to get acquainted and Alex gingerly advanced toward Olivia. She looked like she'd seen a ghost. Her head was spinning. Olivia wasn't dead, but then, what had happened on that night twenty years ago? _Something_ had. Her friend had been taken away in that ambulance, bruised and battered, and Olivia's dark, round, frightened eyes staring out of the ambulance haunted Alex to this day.

"Olivia, what are you – how are – I thought you were dead!" she blurted out, then immediately cringed, wishing she could take the words back. They were colleagues now, and rehashing the past wouldn't do anyone any good.

Olivia smirked, that old smirk Alex knew so well. "Well, I can assure you I'm not dead."

"Right." Alex tried to think of what to say next, not wanting to embarrass herself any farther.

Olivia handed Alex the file folder containing the evidence from the case they were working. "Dinner," she said. "7:00. Meet you at Le Baton. Get through that file, Cabot."

Alex stood staring as Olivia left the room. She used to know her friend so well, but Olivia's expression was unreadable.

* * *

Olivia was waiting for Alex when she arrived at Le Baton at 7:00 sharp. She sat down across the table from her friend. "Hi."

"Hi," said Olivia back.

So many thoughts were running through Alex's mind at once. There were so many things she wanted to say, but she didn't know how to say any of them.

"So, Alex," said Olivia, clearing her throat. "Why did you think I was dead?"

She shrugged, flushing. "I never saw you again. Other people told me. I just assumed."

"Tell me what happened after I left," she said, eager for news of the world she'd left behind at the age of ten.

Alex shrugged again, trying unsuccessfully to appear nonchalant. "My father murdered my mother when I was twelve. I went to live with an aunt and uncle on the Upper East Side and they put me through Harvard Law. So rich. So pretentious. They wanted the best for me. And here I am." She took a deep breath. "That's my story. What's yours?"

Olivia just stared at her for a moment in shock. Whether it was because of Alex's horrific tale or the matter-of-fact manner in which she had told it, Alex wasn't sure. But after she got over her initial astonishment, Olivia managed a small smile. "I knew your political aspirations were a façade."

Alex exhaled deeply. This was the same Olivia, just taller, with a larger vocabulary and shorter hair.

"So, what's your story?" repeated Alex.

Olivia shrugged. "I was shuffled around through foster care for eight years and here I am, doing just what I said I would. You, too."

"Was it okay?"

"I survived," replied the brunette sharply.

"Tell me about SVU. Anything I should know?"

Olivia smirked. "One major thing: if you want fortune or fame, you've come to the wrong place. SVU is about the victims, nothing more."

"Got it," said Alex. "What else?"

"Get used to insomnia, because you're never going to get a good night's sleep again. I haven't slept properly in five years."

Alex changed the subject, suddenly feeling the need to reminisce, to remember the warmth she used to feel in her best friend's presence. The friendship that they'd promised would never die, but their friendship candle seemed to have been snuffed out twenty years ago. She leaned toward Olivia. "Remember the meadow?"

Olivia's harsh expression softened slightly. "Yeah, I do."

"Remember how we used to climb those apple trees? I was always so scared those apples would make me sick, but you never cared."

"They never did make you sick, Cabot," Olivia reminded her.

"I know." She gave a rueful smile. "I was a six-year-old hypochondriac. I used to wash every single strawberry individually. I still do, sometimes."

Olivia rolled her eyes. "You're pathetic." A hint of the old levity they used to share had crept into Olivia's voice and it reassured Alex.

They sat in awkward silence for a few moments until their meals arrived. It was so strange that Alex should not know what to say to her friend. She'd waited twenty years for this moment, the day she'd be reunited with Olivia, the only true friend she'd ever known, and now that the moment was here, she didn't know what to say. They didn't even have anything in common anymore except four tragic years they'd shared as children.

Olivia pushed her food around her plate with her fork and stared at it as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. Alex watched her in surprise as she saw that Olivia's chocolate eyes had filled with tears. "Lex," she whispered, still not looking at her friend. "You saw the whole thing, didn't you?"

Alex didn't know what to say to that. She nodded mutely.

"I'm sorry," she said softly. "I didn't want you to."

"I know," Alex assured her. She knew that even now, her friend hated appearing weak, and at that moment, she had been at her most vulnerable.

Olivia sighed and clasped her hands. "I wish things had been different."

"Me, too," whispered Alex, not daring to break the spell.

Then, all of a sudden, Olivia's nostalgia evaporated. She took a bite of her pasta and went back to eating as if nothing had happened, changing the subject back to business. "So, Alex, do you think you can get us a warrant to search Cravey's apartment?"

Alex just stared at her.

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	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: If you've seen them on the show, they are unfortunately not mine, though I wish they were.**

**Review for chapter eight!**

"So, Liv, how do you know Cabot?" asked Elliot the next morning as his partner entered the precinct with a cup of coffee in each hand.

She handed him one of the cups and took off her jacket, draping it over her chair, ignoring the question.

Elliot raised his eyebrows. "Lack of an answer is sometimes an answer in itself," he deadpanned.

Olivia sighed. "We grew up together. We were best friends."

He looked surprised for a moment. Olivia rarely talked about her childhood and she had never mentioned any old friends before. "Oh," was all he could say, not wanting to push his partner to talk about anything she didn't want to talk about, though he was very curious.

"I haven't seen her in twenty years," she added. She sat down and turned on her computer screen, indicating that the conversation was over.

"Speak of the devil," said John, nodding toward the doorway.

The click of Alex's heels made all the detectives look up. Alex stood in the doorway wearing a neatly pressed grey suit and round black glasses, her long blonde hair flowing over her shoulders. She glanced briefly at all the detectives, but her gaze lingered on Olivia. She dropped a file folder on Olivia's desk. "Here's your warrant," she said sharply, without a word of greeting.

Olivia inclined her head slightly. "Thank you, Counselor."

Alex stood there for a moment, watching her, but Olivia had gone back to her computer, uninterested in the ADA. So Alex turned on her heel and left the room, trying not to show how much she cared.

Elliot exchanged a look with John and Fin. "What was that all about?"

Both men shrugged and Olivia didn't answer. Instead, she said, "Are we ready to go?"

"Go?" repeated Elliot blankly.

"Yeah. Cabot just got us the warrant to search Cravey's house."

The squad was sure that Andrew Cravey had sexually abused children for years, but they had no proof. The only possible evidence was tapes that one of his victims had claimed Cravey had taken of these acts, but the detectives needed a warrant to search for the tapes. Now they had it.

"Right," said Elliot. He pulled on his coat. "Let's go."

* * *

They'd found the tapes. Alex, Elliot, Cravey, and Defense Attorney Roger Kressler were sitting around a table in an interrogation room. Olivia had declined to participate in their meeting.

"I didn't do it," insisted Cravey.

Elliot cleared his throat. "Well, we have sixteen tapes and sixteen victims that say you did."

"They're lying," he said automatically.

Alex sighed. "You're looking at eight to ten years for each count. That adds up to over one hundred years."

"We'll take our chances at trial," said Kressler, picking up his briefcase. "Come on, Andrew. Let's go."

The two of them walked out the door.

Alex and Elliot exchanged glances. Alex exhaled deeply. "Well, he's an idiot. This is an open and shut case."

Elliot shrugged. "Good call, Counselor."

Alex gave him a small but uneasy smile. She picked up her purse and started to leave, but Elliot called after her.

"What's up with you and Liv?"

Alex turned, surprised. As far as she knew, she was the only one who'd ever called Olivia that. "We were friends once."

"I know _that_. But what happened?"

"It doesn't matter," replied Alex. "It was a long time ago."

Elliot stared after her as Alex hurried out the door.

* * *

"Olivia," said Captain Cragen, poking his head out of his office. "My office, now."

"What did I do now?" Olivia muttered to Elliot, who shrugged.

"Sit down, Olivia," the captain invited her and Olivia did so. "What's the deal with you and ADA Cabot?"

She gritted her teeth. "Nothing. We were friends once, but our relationship is purely professional."

"Are you going to be able to work together – civilly?"

She resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Yes. It was twenty years ago, Captain."

He sighed. "Fine. Thank you, Olivia."

She got up and left the office. As she walked back into the squad room, she noticed her colleagues staring at her. The guilty look on Elliot's face told her all she needed to know.

"What was that all about?" asked Elliot, feigning innocence.

Olivia sat down at her desk and folded her hands. "Why don't you tell me?"

He leaned back in his chair. "I'm sorry, Liv."

She ignored him and turned on her computer. "So, the bastard's going to trial?"

"Yeah."

"He's an idiot," she commented.

"That's what Cabot said."

Olivia flinched at the sound of the ADA's name. She couldn't handle Alex. Not seeing her, not talking to hear, not even hearing her name. Alex had seen her at her most vulnerable and she couldn't bear to face her.

Elliot peered closer at her. "What is _up _with the two of you?"

"It's none of your business. How did we get on to this topic?"

He sighed and raised his hands in surrender. "Okay, okay. Point taken."

Olivia's cell phone began to vibrate in her pocket and she opened it. "Benson."

"Olivia?" said a slightly hesitant voice. "It's Alex."

Olivia just sat there, holding the phone to her ear, but her throat had constricted and she couldn't think of what to say.

"Olivia, are you there?"

"Yes," she managed to choke out.

"Do you want to get together again tonight? You can come over to my place."

Olivia suppressed a smirk. "We're not six anymore, Cabot. This isn't a play date."

She could feel Alex's hurt over the phone and cringed inwardly. Why did she keep messing this up? This was her old best friend, the one who she'd spent four years with, the one who had helped her through her pain. Her friend had done so much for her and yet, she couldn't even _talk_ to Alex anymore. The Alex she was talking to on the phone right now sounded so different from the Alex she knew, the Alex she used to know, the poised, confident one. She sounded unsure, even _desperate_.

"Okay," said Alex, almost sadly.

"No, no, wait," said Olivia quickly. "Hey, why don't you come to my place? 7:30. We can talk." She gave Alex her address and hung up the phone. She looked up to see Elliot staring at her again and rolled her eyes. "What?"

* * *

7:30 came and Olivia found herself pacing around her apartment. Why was she so anxious? This was her old best friend. They'd spent hours together, sitting in a tree and eating apples, talking through their windows at night, skipping rope or throwing around a Frisbee at recess. They'd seen each other through the hard times. Alex knew all her secrets, even the ones Olivia wished she didn't, and Olivia knew all of Alex's. She knew about Alex's father beating her mother, which filled her with a burning sense of shame to this day, because she could have done something to help Jennifer Cabot and yet she didn't. Of course, she was just a child, and she was being abused herself, but then she left. And Alex's father had murdered her mother, leaving a poor, traumatized little girl behind. The guilt was eating away at her entire being, so much so that she couldn't even look Alex in the eye. That was why she did what she did now – to make up for things. To make up for Alex, to make up for her mother, to make up for Alan and Joseph and Steven and Ray and all the other men who'd ever touched her. To help powerless children, children like she and Alex had been, so they wouldn't have to go through what she and Alex had gone through.

Olivia jumped at a knock on the door. "Who is it?" she called.

"It's me," Alex called back.

Olivia took a deep breath and braced herself before opening the door. "Hey," she said quietly to the ADA, stepping aside to let her into the apartment.

"You have a nice place," Alex commented politely as Olivia led her into the living room. They both sat down on the couch.

They sat in awkward silence for a few moments, the tension in the air so thick that Olivia could almost taste it, which struck her as odd. She'd never not known what to say to Alex before. They'd always had something to talk about, whether it was their lighthearted banter or something more serious. She'd wanted to see her old friend for the last twenty years; she'd begged her first, second, and third set of foster parents to let her go back to see Alex, but they'd all refused and punished her when she wouldn't let it go. After four years, she finally gave up, but she'd never forgotten her friend.

She'd gone once to see Alex. She'd been eleven and hadn't seen her friend for a year. It was Alex's birthday and Olivia had been overwhelmed by a wave of nostalgia, a longing for her friend that brought her to her knees. She'd skipped school and taken a taxi back to her old school. She was at least two hundred miles away and it was a long cab ride that cost her a year's worth of allowance, but it was worth every cent. She'd sat on a bench outside her old school and waited for recess, her heart pounding in her chest.

But she'd watched Alex skip out holding the hand of another girl, vaguely recognizing the other girl as Marnie Jacobsen. Alex and Olivia had known Marnie since grade two, but they'd never been close.

Seeing Alex and Marnie together pierced Olivia's heart like a knife. She suddenly felt as if she couldn't breathe and began to hyperventilate. She had to remind herself to breathe, but it didn't help. Tears began to stream down her cheeks, penetrating the rocky shell she'd put between her and the world, her tough-as-nails persona evaporating. She'd trained herself over the years not to cry, but now, she couldn't seem to stop.

Alex didn't notice her. She and Marnie were jumping rope, giggling together like she and Alex had once upon a time. Olivia ran her fingers through her rumpled hair and turned away; it was too painful to watch her former best friend. Alex had moved on, but Olivia never could.

She didn't have any money to take a cab home, so she walked. She walked and walked and walked, but she didn't know where she was going. She didn't know how to get back to her foster home and she realized she was walking in circles and then it started to rain. It poured down by the bucketful and Olivia recognized the hopelessness of the situation. She fell to her knees and buried her head in her hands, pulling her knees to her chest, curling up against a building she didn't recognize as she cried and cried.

The next thing she knew, she was being lifted up by a strong man. She thrashed as he carried her, terrified that it was one of the men who'd hurt her so badly, but the man had said, "Shh, honey, I'm a police officer. It's okay. We're going to get you home, okay? I'm bringing you to the police station."

She stopped struggling and clung to the man instead, too worn out to fight any further.

He brought her to the police station and sat down with her. He gave her a juice box and asked her for her name and where she lived. The next thing Olivia knew, her foster parents were at the police station. They picked her up and brought her back to her foster home, and she'd been severely punished. They'd kept her home from school for a week until the bruises faded.

Olivia tried to push the memory away, but it was so strong even now, some twenty years later. She stared at Alex and all she could see was that eleven-year-old girl, her blonde hair in a perfect ponytail, not one strand out of place as she jumped up and down over that skipping rope, smiling at something Marnie Jacobsen had said.

Alex broke the silence, tapping her fingers nervously on her knee, her right leg crossed primly over the left. "So, what did you want to talk about?"

The detective swallowed hard, trying to get rid of the memories that kept flashing across her mind, one right after the other in quick succession. She and Alex when they first met, them biking to the convenience store and sharing a banana Popsicle when they were six, making prank calls to the neighbors when they were eight, comparing report cards when they were nine, sitting in that apple tree so many times. She saw them sitting at their windows, keeping each other company, comforting each other from their pain. Then she was brought back to that horrible night, when she'd been violated and beaten, and Alex had seen the whole thing. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying in vain to push away the memory.

"Liv," whispered Alex. Olivia's whole body was trembling violently and Alex put a hand on her shoulder to calm her down. "Are you okay?"

Olivia relaxed at Alex's touch, rather than recoiling as the ADA had expected her to. She looked up into Alex's eyes. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry."

Alex understood what Olivia was saying, but she shook her head. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

"I never wanted you to see me like that," Olivia told her quietly.

"I know." They'd done this dance enough times that Alex knew all the steps; ever since they were children, Olivia had blamed herself for everything and was constantly apologizing, and it was Alex's job to convince her otherwise.

"Alex," she said suddenly, looking up with such an uncharacteristic expression of vulnerability that Alex just wanted to hug her. "Is this going to be okay? Are – are we going to be okay?"

Her words tugged at Alex's heartstrings and Alex tried to blink back her tears. The Ice Queen had to remain perfectly poised at all times; her polished exterior must never waver, even when it came to Olivia, the only one she'd ever allowed to see past her icy veneer.. All she could manage was a watery half-smile to disguise the raging emotions that were flowing through her veins. "Yeah," she replied, her voice cracking.

But in all honesty, she didn't know.

They ordered pizza for dinner and watched a movie, all in silence. The warmth of each other's presence was enough. Olivia pretended she was six years old again, spending a wonderful evening with her best friend.

When the movie was over, Alex said, "I almost forgot. I brought something for you."

"What?"

Alex rummaged around in her purse and handed the detective a thick book that looked like a photo album.

Olivia didn't understand. "What's this?"

"Open it," Alex instructed her.

She opened the book and inhaled deeply when she saw what it really was. It was a scrapbook that Alex had created after Olivia had been taken away. There were photos of the two of them; on their first day of school, Olivia in her trademark oversized black sweatshirt and Alex, her blonde hair in neat pigtails; in the meadow, sitting in the tree and eating apples; Alex in a pink Disney princess dress on her seventh birthday, which she'd had at Laser Tag; the girls with their arms around each other at age six, age seven, age eight, age nine, and then the last one, at age ten.

Olivia stared at the pictures as she leafed through the album, flinching every time she noticed a bruise on her six-year-old face or a sweatshirt on her frail body when Alex was wearing a tank top. This was her childhood, both the pain and the joy. She remembered all of Alex's birthdays and there was a picture of each. Every year, she'd had an ice cream cake from their favorite ice cream place and the album included a picture of every one. It was odd that she remembered Alex's birthdays better than her own.

She looked up to meet Alex' eyes and saw that the ADA was watching her with a nervous expression on her face. "You can keep it," offered Alex.

Olivia's voice caught in her throat and she didn't trust herself to speak. She just hugged the book tightly to her chest. Alex had given her the world. She'd given Olivia a piece of her childhood – _their _childhood – that she would treasure forever.

Alex's lips curled upward. "I'm guessing you like that."

The detective took a moment to compose herself. "Thank you," she whispered. "This – this means a lot to me."

Alex took the book from her and opened it to a random page. She smiled at the picture. "Remember Halloween when we were seven? I was a princess, just like I was every year, and you were a mummy? We made your costume out of paper towel and we used up six rolls."

Olivia gave her a rueful smile. "My mom freaked about that."

Alex's smile disappeared. "I know. I'm sorry."

"Let's not talk about that," said the detective quickly.

Alex turned to another page of the scrapbook. "Look at this one."

Olivia's lips quirked upward. "Last day of school, third grade. We went on a picnic and Jessica Stevens climbed a tree and couldn't figure out how to get down. That was why our teacher wouldn't let us climb trees."

They spent the night reminiscing. Around midnight, Alex said she had to go. Olivia wanted so much for her old friend to stay, for their new tentative friendship to last. She wished the night would never end, but instead she swallowed her emotions and walked Alex out the door.

She curled up on the couch with the scrapbook, wondering why it felt like they were being torn apart once again.

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	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: If you've seen them on the show, they are unfortunately not mine, though I wish they were.**

**Review if you want more!**

Alex walked into the sixteenth precinct the next morning and was met by three pairs of eyes staring at her. Olivia, on the other hand, didn't even glance up. She was suddenly very busy with a file folder.

"Hey," said Alex, trying to keep the uncertainty from creeping into her voice. What was _up_?

"Hi, Alex," chorused John and Fin. Elliot leaned back in his chair and gave her a small wave. Olivia didn't look up.

"Hey, _Olivia_," said the ADA pointedly.

Olivia started and dropped the file folder. "Oh, hi, Alex."

Captain Cragen opened the door of his office and leaned out into the squad room. "Now that we've all said hello, let's get down to business. Where are we with this Cravey case?"

Elliot shrugged. "Trial's on Thursday. We found the tapes and offered a plea, but he wouldn't take it."

"Idiot," added Alex.

"He's going down," agreed Elliot.

The captain quirked an eyebrow. "Good work." He turned to Olivia, who was leafing through a folder, uncharacteristically silent. "You got anything to say, Liv?"

She shrugged. "The bastard's going to jail for a very long time. As he deserves."

"Okay." Captain Cragen looked as if he wanted to say something else, but he bit it back and retreated to his office.

Alex and Olivia exchanged wary glances, then quickly looked away. The detective cleared her throat. "Um, will you need me to testify against Cravey?"

"I think Elliot's got it covered," replied Alex. "But thanks."

The awkward silence reignited between them.

"Then, Alex, what are you doing here?" asked Olivia.

Alex thought for a moment and didn't answer. She didn't know why she was here. She just felt like being here. She just felt like being with Olivia, who knew her better than anyone, even now. This was her final memory of her bittersweet past. It had been painful, but she also remembered the good times they'd shared, from climbing that apple tree to skipping rope together at recess to making their own puppets out of socks. Together, they'd learned to ride bikes, to sew, to do long division, to swim. They'd shared so much and Alex wasn't ready to leave it behind. She needed to be close to her old friend.

Olivia seemed to understand because she didn't comment any further. She just went back to her paperwork, leaving Alex standing uncomfortably in the middle of the squad room, watching the detectives work.

"You need something, Counselor?" asked John, twirling a pencil on his desk.

Alex snapped out of her nostalgia. "No, no, I was just leaving." She didn't want to, but she wasn't going to stand there forever. She turned on her heel and walked away.

* * *

When Alex went home that evening, her apartment seemed so _empty_. She felt as lonely as she'd felt that night twenty years ago. She turned on the television and all the lights, even though she knew in the back of her mind that she was wasting electricity. She had too much pent-up energy, so she paced around her apartment for a few minutes, then decided that she wouldn't be sleeping tonight and might as well do something productive. She opened her storage closet, took out three large boxes, and started going through them.

She found a lot of old clothes, which she put in a garbage bag to give to charity, and an assortment of law books. Those ones went on the shelf the living room. She got to the bottom of the second box when she felt something that seemed to be made of plastic. plastic. Removing the clothes that lined the box, she reached her hand down to feel what the object was. She lifted it out of the box and gasped when she saw what it was.

It was her old American Girl doll, Melissa. She hadn't played with that doll in twenty years and she hadn't even seen it since she was twelve. How had it gotten here?

She remembered the last time with her doll, sitting at her window, hugging Melissa and pretending the doll was Olivia. She did the same thing today, feeling like she was ten years old again as she held her old doll in her arms and buried her face in its head to stop the tears.

* * *

She went to bed with her old doll in her arms, just as she had every night until she turned eight, but she couldn't sleep. She stared at the ceiling, watching a spider spin a web in the corner of her bedroom. This would normally have bothered her enough to compel her to get out of bed and exterminate the creature, but tonight she didn't feel like moving. She watched the bug weave its web, so slowly, but the end result would have all its hard work worthwhile. It was like her job – she would spend countless hours working hard to prepare for a trial, but when she sent a rapist or child abuser to prison, that made it all worthwhile.

Alex glanced at the clock. It was 2:45 a.m. Lovely. She closed her eyes and tried to count sheep, but the images that swam in front of her eyes weren't of animals. They were of Olivia.

Olivia smiling in bliss as she played on the swings, leaning her head back and looking up at the sky. Olivia sitting with her on the curb in front of her house, sharing a banana Popsicle. Olivia lounging on her bed as they watched a movie. Olivia laughing at something funny Alex said. The two of them sitting in that apple tree.

Olivia drowning in an oversized black sweatshirt, a purple bruise on her cheek and a black eye. Olivia that night, the terror in her chocolate eyes. And the bruises. The marks that covered her frail body underneath her clothes.

Alex blinked, opening her eyes then squeezing them tightly shut, trying to banish the images of her battered friend from her mind.

Her cell phone, sitting on her dresser, started to vibrate. Alex reached out and snatched it up, glad for the distraction. "Who the hell would be calling me at three in the morning?" she muttered to herself. She flipped open her phone and murmured, with as businesslike a voice as she could muster, "Cabot."

"Alex?" said the uncertain voice on the other end.

Alex sat up in bed and switched on her light, dropping her doll on the floor in the process. "_Olivia_?"

"Yeah."

It reminded Alex of their late-night conversations so long ago. "What's up?"

She paused. "I can't sleep."

Alex almost smiled, then felt a wave of sadness engulf her as she recognized the words. Olivia had said the same thing that night twenty years ago. Then she started, suddenly alert. Today was the anniversary of Olivia's departure. Twenty years ago today, she had lost her best friend. Alex knew she wasn't going to be able to sleep now. "Me neither."

"Want to take a walk?"

"Okay," replied Alex, rubbing her bleary eyes. "I'll meet you on the corner of 26th Street in twenty minutes."

"See you in twenty," echoed Olivia, and hung up the phone.

Alex bounded out of bed as she closed her phone. She debated for a moment what to wear, then decided it didn't matter. She pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a long sleeved blue shirt before stuffing her apartment keys in a pocket and walking briskly to the corner of 26th Street where she was meeting Olivia.

It was cold outside and the wind sent a chill through her body, all the way to the tips of her toes. She inwardly cursed herself for not bringing a coat as she shivered and wrapped her arms around herself and waited for Olivia.

Olivia jogged up a few minutes later, wearing jeans and an oversized sweatshirt. It gave Alex a start to see the detective dressed so casually and she smiled a little bit and raised her hand in greeting.

Olivia gave Alex a small smile in return, then turned and started to walk. Alex quickened her pace to keep up with her friend. "Do you want to talk?"

The brunette shook her head and continued to walk at her brisk pace.

Alex followed, content with being in her friend's presence at the moment. She let out a deep breath. She'd been waiting for this moment for years and now here it was.

They went about six blocks before Olivia turned to face Alex. "Lex, it's been twenty years. I want to go back."

The blonde stopped short and stared at her friend. "What?"

"I want to go back," repeated Olivia.

"Back where?" asked Alex blankly. Olivia couldn't mean what she thought she meant . . . could she?

The detective rolled her eyes as if Alex was an idiot. "Back to where everything happened."

The ADA stared at her. "_Why_?"

"What do you mean, _why_? A horrible thing happened twenty years ago and I'm ready to face it. I want . . ." She trailed off.

"Closure?" offered Alex.

Olivia shook her head and gave her friend a wry grin. "Closure's a myth. Not closure, I just . . . it would help. It's hard to explain."

Alex nodded. She understood exactly what Olivia meant. A part of her wanted to go back to the scene of her own trauma too, but she wasn't as brave as the detective and she wasn't sure if she'd be able to handle it. She wasn't sure what had ignited this newfound strength in Olivia, but there was a fire in her eyes that told Alex her friend was determined to do this. Knowing how stubborn Olivia was, Alex was in no position to stop her. She swallowed hard. "I want to come with you."

Olivia nodded, seeming unsurprised. "Okay, let's go."

"_Now_?"

"We're here, we have time, and we're ready now. I'm going and I'm inviting you to come. Feel free to take me up on it or decline; I won't be offended."

Alex took a deep breath and braced herself. "I'm coming with you."

The brunette nodded. "Okay. Let's get a cab." She held her hand out and within minutes, a taxi had stopped to pick them up.

Olivia climbed in and gave the driver the address. Neither woman spoke on the way, both lost in their own thoughts. They were going on a journey to their past.

**Review if you want to know what happens next!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: If you've seen them on the show, they are unfortunately not mine, though I wish they were.**

**Review for chapter ten!**

It was 4:00 in the morning when Alex and Olivia arrived at their old houses. Olivia, although she was trying to be brave and put on a nonchalant exterior, clasped her hands to stop them from shaking. _Was _she really ready for this?

She and Alex exchanged glances as they climbed out of the taxi and looked at the homes they'd left behind so long ago. They stood there for a few moments, just staring. The houses looked just as intimidating as they had twenty years ago. Olivia looked up into the window of what used to be her bedroom. The blinds were open and she could tell the room belonged to a little girl, maybe three or four years old. She couldn't see the bed or the child, but Disney princess posters adorned the pink walls and she had a slew of large stuffed animals, horses and teddy bears and dolls, sitting on the floor.

Alex followed Olivia's gaze and noticed the stricken look on her face. "Let's go to the meadow," she said softly, hardly daring to break the spell.

Olivia tore her eyes away from her old bedroom and followed her friend down the familiar path to the clearing. The meadow was even more beautiful and peaceful than she'd remembered and she smiled when she recognized the apple trees, still blooming. "You think you remember how to climb a tree, Counselor?" she asked with a lopsided grin. Seeing the ADA's hesitance, she added, "Or are you still too scared of getting dirty?"

Alex laughed. "I think I'll pass."

Olivia shrugged and pulled herself up onto the lowest branch of the nearest tree. She deftly climbed all the way to the top, feeling like she was ten years old again and loving it. She swung her legs over a branch and looked down at Alex.

"Impressive," commented the ADA. "You haven't lost your touch."

"One of the many talents I've retained to this day."

She plucked an apple off a branch and put it in her mouth and Alex resisted the urge to tell her it was dirty.

"Can you still climb a tree?" asked Olivia, a gleam in her eye.

"No," Alex told her. "No way."

"You _can't _or you don't _want _to?"

Alex shrugged.

"I dare you."

Never one to pass up a dare, the blonde took an elastic out of her pocket and pulled her hair back into a ponytail. She swung herself up onto the lowest branch. "Happy?"

"Come sit with me," said Olivia.

That settled it. Olivia had said those same words to her over and over when they were children, whenever she was hurting and needed someone to lean on, whenever she wanted to ask for help without saying the words. Alex could tell her friend needed her for moral support right now, so she climbed up higher, so that she was sitting beside Olivia at the very top of an apple tree in a deserted meadow at 4:30 a.m. If only her colleagues and the DA could see her now!

Olivia smiled in rapture. She leaned back and looked up at the stars. The meadow was still just as beautiful as it had been twenty years ago. She pretended she was ten years old again, her and Alex, sitting in the tree in the middle of the night, taking comfort in each other's presence and the serenity that came with their special place.

They sat like that for about an hour. Neither minded the silence. This was the most peaceful place of their childhood and they were glad to be back.

Finally, Alex broke the spell. She checked her watch and noticed that it was six in the morning. "Olivia," she said softly. "It's 6:00. We're going to be late for work." She started to climb down the tree and Olivia, with one last glance at the tree, reluctantly followed her.

Side by side, they walked out to the road and Olivia hailed a cab. They silently got into the taxi and didn't say anything for the entire ride. The driver dropped Alex off at her apartment building and then took Olivia to hers. The detective climbed the stairs to her apartment and let herself in the door.

She collapsed on her couch, emotionally exhausted. She'd gone back to the scene of the most terrifying event of her entire life. She'd been brave and faced her fears. Now, she could begin to heal.

Her mother and Joseph, the most petrifying boyfriend of them all, the one who'd hurt her that night, were long gone. Her mother had died in prison when Olivia was thirteen and she hadn't known how to feel about that. She still didn't now. Her mother had been a violent, evil woman and a drunken child abuser. But still, Serena Benson was her mother, and as much as Olivia hated her, she had given Olivia life. She had been through a lot herself, so maybe Olivia couldn't blame her. Joseph was serving five consecutive life sentences in jail and he was never getting out. Even if they had been roaming the streets, Olivia wasn't a helpless child anymore. She was a police officer who protected the public from people like her mother and that long line of boyfriends. They couldn't hurt her even if they wanted to.

Except in her mind. That was where they remained and in her moments of weakness, they would always emerge. They would remind her how stupid and worthless she was and how she was just like her father. They would hit her and hurt her in every way imaginable, and she would be powerless to stop it, because it was all in her own head. The memories continued to attack her even twenty years later.

She laid her head on the armrest of the couch and closed her eyes, trying to push away the images that continued to assault her senses, even now.

Her cell phone, sitting on the other end of the couch, began to vibrate. Olivia groaned and pulled herself into a sitting position. She flipped open her phone, grateful for the distraction. "Benson."

It was Elliot. "Hey, Liv, it's me. You up yet?"

"Yeah."

"Good. We caught a case. I'll meet you at Mercy General in twenty, okay? I'll tell you about it when we get there."

"Okay," she said, and hung up the phone.

She got up, changed into dress pants and a blue shirt, found her keys, and drove to the hospital.

Elliot was waiting for her by the front. "Rape victim's in ICU," he told her.

"Why?" asked Olivia, following him up the elevator.

"The kid's six years old and her mother's boyfriend brought his friends over and they all took their turns. Poor kid. They think she'll make it, but there's major internal bleeding and she's sedated now. Her name's Jennifer Dryen."

"Rape kit?"

"Not yet. They're waiting for us before they can do it."

Olivia shook her head. The world was so full of sick, evil predators who wanted to take advantage of poor, innocent children. She couldn't make sense of it.

They reached the Intensive Care section of the hospital and flashed their badges. Two nurses and a doctor were sitting by the bedside of a six-year-old girl with long, brown hair and big brown eyes. She was hooked up to an IV and several other machines. Her eyes were closed and she looked vulnerable, yet in a way, peaceful in sleep. There were bruises on her face and arms.

Olivia sighed at the sight of the child. She sat down on a chair next to the bed. "How is she?"

The doctor shrugged. "She'll survive. The real question is, is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

Elliot looked like he wanted to smack the man, but Olivia thought she understood what he meant. Sometimes as a child, she had wished God would just take her already and deliver her from the pain that was her life. It would have been a relief.

The doctor started the rape kit and both detectives exchanged looks. Privately, Olivia was glad that Jennifer was asleep so she wouldn't have to endure another invasive procedure. She instinctively reached out and took the little girl's hand, even though the child was asleep. It was for her own comfort more than Jennifer's. The little girl reminded her so much of her childhood self.

"Fluids are present," the doctor told the detectives. "More than one person's, but then, we already knew that."

"Where's her mother?" asked Elliot.

"In the waiting room."

Olivia sighed. "Okay. Let's go."

The detectives went down to the waiting room and they recognized Mrs. Dryen right away. She was a slim woman with dark hair, tapping her foot nervously against her chair. Olivia and Elliot walked over to her. "Mrs. Dryen, I'm Detective Stabler and this is my partner, Detective Benson. We're investigating your daughter's case."

"How is she?" asked Mrs. Dryen anxiously.

"She's going to be fine," Elliot assured her. "We have the men who did it in custody but we need to talk to you first."

"Okay. Whatever I can do to help."

Olivia sat down next to her. "Do you want to tell us what happened?"

Mrs. Dryen took a deep breath. "I went out to my yoga class like I do every Tuesday and I left Jennifer with my boyfriend, Carl."

"Does she get along with Carl?"

"He's a good man – or so I thought. They were close. He loved her very much but she sometimes . . . she didn't want to be alone with him. I didn't pay any attention, though. I assumed she was . . . I don't know. Just, he always talked about her and spent time with her and accepted her, you know?"

"Okay, so what happened on Tuesday?"

"I got to the community center but the instructor was ill and the class was cancelled. I drove back home and got inside and I heard crying. I went into Jennifer's bedroom and found my daughter on the floor with Carl and three of his friends and they were – they were _raping_ her. Carl had his pants down and Jenny was screaming. He got away from her when he saw me and I called the police. Then she wasn't crying anymore, she was just – _whimpering_ and then she passed out."

Mrs. Dryen buried her head in her hands and her shoulders began to shake. Olivia could tell she was crying. She put a hand on the woman's shoulder. "Thank you, ma'am. We've got the men who did it."

"Thank you," she whispered.

Olivia gave her a small half-smile and got up. She and Elliot drove back to the police station where four men were sitting in separate interrogation rooms. "Let's take the boyfriend first," suggested Olivia. Elliot nodded and followed her into one of the rooms.

The two of them sat down across from the greasy-haired, broad-shouldered man who they assumed was Carl. He was twiddling his thumbs, seeming unperturbed by the situation he'd gotten himself into. "Hello, detectives," he said casually.

Neither responded verbally. "So, Carl," said Elliot. "Tell me what happened."

"Well, here's the thing," said Carl with a smirk. "I actually don't have to tell you anything. I want a lawyer."

Elliot sighed. "Fine. We'll go get you one."

They exited the interrogation room to find Alex and Captain Cragen watching through the window. Olivia started at the sight of the ADA. She looked so put together, her cool, collected mask once again in place, in stark contrast to the real _human _side of Alex she had seen just several hours before. "Bastard wants a lawyer," Elliot told them.

Alex sighed. "Then we'd better get him one."

* * *

Trevor Langan walked in twenty minutes later. "Detectives, Counselor," he greeted them smoothly. "I need a moment with my client."

Alex nodded. "Go ahead."

Trevor sat down in the interrogation room with Carl and they chatted for a few moments. Then he gestured for them to come in. Alex, Elliot, and Olivia exchanged glances and sat down around the table.

"I want a deal," were the first words out of Carl's mouth.

Alex raised her eyebrows. "You're not getting one. You molested your girlfriend's daughter and invited your friends over to do the same. You are a despicable lowlife who really belongs in a pine box, but I'll settle for life in an 8x10 cell."

"I want a deal," he repeated.

"What have you got for us?"

"The other guys," said Carl.

"We _have _the 'other guys'," Alex told him.

He shook his head. "No, you don't."

"We have the other three men."

"There's more."

"_More_?" spat Alex.

Carl leaned back and smiled smugly.

"So let me get this straight. This wasn't the first time you invited friends over to rape your girlfriend's six-year-old? And there were other men?"

"That's right," he replied, sounding pleased with himself.

"Talk," snapped Olivia, clenching her fists. This bastard reminded her so much of Joseph and Alan, the two worst out of her mother's boyfriends.

Alex could see how tightly wound her friend was and leaned over to her. "Liv, if you want to sit this one out –"

Olivia took it as an insult. "No, counselor, I don't," she snapped, turning away from the ADA and back to the monster on the other side of the table.

"What will you give me?" asked Carl.

"It depends on what you have to offer. Tell me and then we'll talk deals."

Trevor whispered something to Carl, who nodded and started to talk. "So every Tuesday when my girlfriend went out to her yoga class, we'd have a little party and we'd, you know, play games with Jenny. She liked it."

"No, she didn't," whispered Olivia, so quietly that no one else could hear. Her face had turned white. This was always the worst part for her, but her own wounds had just been reopened, and this was unbearable. She reminded herself to breathe and took three deep breaths to calm herself.

Carl glanced at her and seeing the expression on her face seemed to satisfy him. He continued, a smug smile on his face. "She screamed sometimes, but that was just part of the game. Sometimes she cried, but that was part of it too."

"Names," barked Alex. She handed Carl a pen and pad of paper.

He smirked and stuck his tongue out of the corner of his mouth as he filled the page with names, twelve in all.

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	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: If you've seen them on the show, they are unfortunately not mine, though I wish they were.**

**Review for more!**

When Olivia and Elliot returned, having arrested the twelfth child abuser, Alex was still perched on a desk in the squad room. She noticed the exhaustion on Olivia's face and wondered if it was prudent to have Olivia working this case, but she knew that if she said anything, the detective would bite her head off in a second, so she stayed silent as the detectives hauled the man into an interrogation room.

"So, Counselor, the deal sticks?" asked Captain Cragen, coming up behind her.

Alex snapped out of it. "Um, yes. Unfortunately."

The captain sighed. "So it's only ten to fifteen, tops."

"Right. I wish we could put the bastard away for life, but getting the other guys is more important."

He nodded and turned to go. Alex considered calling him back and telling him that she was worried about Olivia's objectivity in this one, but doing that wasn't going to help anyone. Plus, she guessed Olivia hadn't told her colleagues much, if anything, about her past and she wouldn't be the one to do so.

Olivia appeared in the doorway. "Alex, you can go now. We're good."

"What happened?"

"They talked. Shame you had to cut the boyfriend a deal, though."

"Are we going to trial or are they going to plead out?"

"All of them, unsurprisingly, want to plead out. They don't want their names dragged through the press. Fifteen to twenty years."

Alex nodded.

"You can leave," repeated the detective.

The ADA sighed. She knew this was what Olivia really wanted – for the one person who understood what this meant to her to leave so she wouldn't have to appear so vulnerable once again. So, against her better judgment, she got up and left the squad room.

* * *

When Alex got back to her apartment, she sprawled out on her couch, suddenly realizing how exhausted she was. She noticed her old doll lying on the floor beside her and briefly wondered how it had got there. She was too tired to think right now, having gone thirty hours without sleeping. Rolling onto her side, she reached out and pulled the doll toward her, cradling it in her arms as she fell asleep.

* * *

Olivia had to resist the urge to go out for a drink after a long day of work, because she knew if she started, she wouldn't be able to stop. Her mother's uncontrollable drinking had taught her never to use alcohol to wash away her pain.

She got back to her apartment and sat down on her couch. She turned on the television and flipped the channels without really paying attention to what was actually on. Nothing good was playing, so she turned it off and laid her head on the couch.

The scrapbook that still lay on the table next to the sofa caught her eye. She picked it up and pulled herself into a sitting position, crossing her legs and opening the book. She traced the outline of Alex's blonde pigtails on their first day of grade one and realized that the photo was already wrinkled. She sighed. Alex had done the same thing many times, running her own fingers over the photographs so often that they'd creased.

She hugged the book to her chest and rested her chin on it. It made her feel closer to Alex.

At night, when she was alone, she missed her friend so much and had no problem expressing these sentiments. She wondered why, when Alex was actually there, she chose to push her friend away.

* * *

The next day at work, Alex and Olivia went in to talk to Carl the child molester again. It was more a formality than anything; finalize the deal, etc. "Olivia, we can ask Elliot –" Alex began, but the determined, set expression on the detective's face stopped her. She fell silent as they entered the interrogation room and sat down at the table across from Trevor and Carl.

"Good morning, Detective," Trevor said to Olivia. He inclined his head to Alex. "Counselor."

"So here's what we're going to do," Alex told Carl. "You're going to explain again exactly what happened and we're going to record it." She took out a tape recorder and pressed play. "Go on."

Carl leaned back and smirked. "We were alone and she was in that pretty little pink tank top of hers and she just looked so beautiful that I couldn't resist. I called some of the boys and they came over and you know, we had something really good going. We fooled around with her a bit, yeah, then we had sex and it was so amazing and it felt so fucking good." He licked his lips, clearly enjoying the discomfort of the two women. "Is that it?"

Alex found her voice and nodded. "Yeah." She turned off the tape recorder and turned to Olivia, who was sitting perfectly still, her face stony, her hands clasped together so tightly that they'd turned white.

She started to get up to leave, but Carl's smooth voice stopped her. "You know what? I love Maggie, but Jenny . . . oh, my God, that girl is just delicious. Even when she cries, you know, that just makes it even better. Because she loves it, you know, it's just part of the game and she plays it so well. So fucking well –"

Olivia was staring at him, but instead of Carl, she was seeing Joseph, the one who'd nearly killed her. He was sitting right in front of her and he was talking about _her_, how delicious she'd been at the age of ten and how her own crying had just been part of the game and how much he loved it and – oh, God, she couldn't take this, couldn't take this, couldn't, couldn't take this!

Alex's eyes widened when she saw Olivia lunge at the man. The detective had Carl by the throat and she'd shoved him up against the wall. She'd seen Elliot attack perps before, but never Olivia. Olivia was usually the calm one. "Olivia!" she yelled.

"Whoa!" cried Trevor. "Police brutality!"

Alex ran to her and gently pried Olivia off Carl. Olivia's shoulders were trembling as she stepped away. Thoughts whirled through her head at the speed of light. What had she _done_?

Olivia went limp in Alex's grasp, aware that all three of the other people in the room were staring at her, but unable to stop herself from shaking. This wasn't Joseph, wasn't Alan, wasn't Steven. It was Carl. Yes, Carl was a monster, but he wasn't going to hurt _her_. He was just another perp, but she was so sensitive today, and he'd scraped her open wound. That still didn't give her the right to attack him. She was going to be in such trouble.

"Liv," whispered Alex, still gripping her firmly by the shoulders. "Liv, are you all right?"

Olivia took a deep breath and raised her hands. She stepped away from Alex and backed up so she was against the wall. "I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm sorry. I'm okay."

Carl picked himself off the ground and brushed himself off. "Wow. Did I strike a nerve, Detective? Maybe you had, um, a _relationship _with _your _mother's boyfriend?"

Olivia ignored him and concentrated on breathing. Inhale – one, two, three. Exhale – one, two, three. She was the professional here and she was above this. She wasn't going to let him get to her. If she wanted to do this job, she had to be able to handle these flashbacks. She had to be able to put her past aside and deal with the present.

Alex cast Olivia a sidelong glance. She was extremely concerned about her friend and knew that, even though Olivia would never admit it, she needed to be away from the situation. "I think we're done here," said Alex. "See you in court for allocution."

Trevor cast Olivia one last fleeting look before leading his client out of the room.

Olivia took a moment to compose herself. She drew herself to her full height and took a deep breath. "Alex, I –"

"It's okay," said Alex quickly. "I understand."

The detective sank into a chair and rested her chin in her hands, emotionally drained. "I'm sorry," she repeated.

Alex pulled up a chair next to her, watching Olivia rest her head on the table and cover it with her hands, repeating softly how sorry she was. She hated this, how Olivia would apologize over and over whenever she was afraid. It was tearing her heart out to see her friend in such a vulnerable position again, but there wasn't anything she could do. Olivia was flashbacking, but Alex couldn't help her unless the detective let her in. And of course, Olivia wouldn't do that in a million years.

So she sighed and got up. "Come on, Liv," she said. "It's okay. Come on. Let's go."

Olivia looked up, tears glistening in her eyes. The look on her face pierced Alex's heart like a thousand knives, but before she could say anything, Olivia had risen. She followed Alex out of the room in silence, taking several more deep breaths to calm herself, to remind herself that everything was okay. The men who'd hurt her were never coming back.

**Review for chapter eleven!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: If you've seen them on the show, they are unfortunately not mine, though I wish they were.**

**So I decided this will be the last chapter. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it! Also, I apologize if the end seems a bit out of character for both of them.**

**Review, as always.**

Olivia sat down at her desk and buried her head in her hands. The room was spinning, overwhelming her senses. She couldn't take this.

"Liv," said Elliot, peering closely at her. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, El," she mumbled, just as she always did, but she didn't raise her head.

Elliot looked at Alex, who sighed and gave him an expressive shrug. "Let her be," she whispered to him.

He went back to his paperwork, even though all the detectives fervently hated doing paperwork.

Alex pulled up a chair and sat down next to Olivia. She didn't say anything; she knew intuitively that silence was what her friend needed right now. She just needed to know that Alex was there for her, so Alex stayed.

Captain Cragen poked his head out of his office. He started to say something, but then he noticed Olivia. "Olivia?" he said hesitantly. Then he turned to Alex. "Is she okay?"

Alex shrugged and repeated, "Let her be."

Olivia was trying to stop the tears in her eyes from streaming down her face. She couldn't bear to lift her head up. Part of her disliked the protective stance Alex was taking toward her but part of her found it comforting. No one ever really looked out for her like Alex was doing now and no one other than her old friend, and sometimes Elliot, could tell instinctively what she was thinking and feeling, and molded their own actions appropriately.

Alex knew better than to touch her, to put a hand on her back or a comforting arm around her as she would for most other people. Olivia feared unexpected touches, which was understandable, considering her childhood experience. Instead, she waited in silence for several minutes until Olivia raised her head. She glanced at Alex, gave her a small half-smile, and turned on her computer monitor.

"Are you okay?" Alex murmured, noticing that Olivia's hands were still shaking.

Olivia nodded, her jaw set. The incident had rattled her quite a bit, but she was all right now. This was her job and she had to do it. "Thanks, Alex," she said quietly. "But I'm fine."

Alex seemed to accept this and she nodded. "I'm going to go back to my office now," she told Olivia. "But you call me if you need anything. _Anything._ Okay?"

Olivia nodded and managed another smile. "Yeah. And hey, we got the bastard, right?"

The ADA paused. Unless he claimed police brutality, which was actually feasible, they had him. But Olivia had attacked him in full view of two lawyers, which obviously wasn't the brightest move. Alex understood, but a judge certainly wouldn't. Olivia could get into a lot of trouble if Captain Cragen found out what she'd done, but then, it might not come to that. _Alex _definitely wasn't going to tell him. Even with this newfound, tentative comradeship, friends stood by each other and so Alex would.

"Did I wreck your case?" asked Olivia.

Alex couldn't tell if she was serious or not, but she shook her head regardless. "No. He confessed before any of that happened."

The detective gave her another weak smile. "Good. That's good."

"I'll see you later, Liv, okay?"

"Bye, Alex."

Olivia stared after her as the ADA turned to go, listening as the familiar click of her heels faded and then disappeared.

* * *

Alex needed some time to think, some space to clear her head, a release for her pent up energy. She started walking, not particularly caring where she ended up. She could always take a cab back to her apartment if the need arose.

She strode down the street at a relatively fast pace. Speed walking always helped her get her thoughts together. Olivia obviously wasn't okay and she needed help. But how could Alex help her when Olivia wouldn't let her? Alex sighed. Olivia was always so stubborn, so fiercely independent. She thought that admitting to needing help was a sign of weakness, not realizing that it was the opposite. It's hard to go through something traumatic, but admitting you're traumatized is sometimes a whole new trauma in itself.

She ended up in Central Park and sat down on a bench, watching the families with their pets, little kids holding leashes of dogs larger than they were. It was one of those things you could only see in Central Park. It was one of those reasons why she loved the big city – other than the anonymity that came with urban areas and the fresh start she'd so desperately needed.

Glancing around, Alex saw a mother clutching a blonde little girl who looked to be about four or five by the hand. Momentarily distracted from Olivia, she sighed, feeling a familiar wistful twinge constricting her heart. The mother and daughter looked so loving, so happy. Alex stopped and watched as the mother bent down so the little girl could whisper something in her ear, then threw her head back and laughed.

She shook her head as if to clear it. Maybe she wasn't okay either.

She sat at the park for a little while until the sun began its gradual descent. The park wasn't safe at night; if prosecuting sex crimes had taught her anything, it was that. Being a lawyer, worldlier and less deluded than the average person, Alex was very watchful of her surroundings, but no amount of vigilance would stop a true predator. Better safe than sorry.

Before she knew it, her feet had carried her to the street in front of Olivia's apartment building. Genuinely surprised, she glanced around, as if she would see the mysterious force that had led her here. She hesitated for a moment before opening the front door and going inside.

She took the elevator to the fifth floor, where Olivia's apartment was, and knocked on the second door.

"Who is it?" called a distant voice.

"It's me," Alex called back.

She could hear Olivia unbolt and unlock the door and then it opened. Olivia stood in the doorway in blue sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt, her damp hair pulled into a messy ponytail. "Hey, Alex," said Olivia, a surprised smile playing around her lips. "What's up?"

Alex shrugged. "Can I come in?"

"Sure." Olivia stepped aside and ushered the ADA into the living room.

Alex stood in front of the couch, suddenly reluctant. What was she even doing here? There wasn't anything in particular that she wanted or needed, except maybe Olivia's presence.

Olivia sat down at the edge of her couch and patted the spot next to her. Alex hesitated before sitting down.

"Do you want something to eat?" Olivia was trying to be a good hostess, but her discomfort was clear.

Alex shook her head. "No, thank you," she said politely. It occurred to her how comical this was, how twenty years ago she never would have imagined that she'd be sitting here with Olivia, unsure what to say, politely declining as her friend offered her something to eat.

They sat side by side in pregnant silence. Alex folded her hands in her lap and waited for Olivia to say something, anything to ease the discomfort that layered the air.

Finally, Olivia spoke. Her voice sounded tight, as if she was finding it very difficult to hold back her emotions. "Do you know what we should do?"

Thankful that Olivia had broken the uncomfortable silence, Alex leaned forward and rested her chin in her hands. "What?"

What came out of Olivia's mouth next surprised Alex, although in all honesty, it shouldn't have. "We should be friends again."

It took Alex a moment to recover from the initial shock. This was what she'd wanted for so long, and over the past few weeks the longing she'd felt for her friend had intensified, because Olivia was right here with her, so close yet so far.

For once, Alex was at a loss for words. What was there to say to such a proposition? She opened and closed her mouth, then finally managed to choke out, "That would be good."

Olivia gave her that impish grin that Alex knew so well. "That _would _be good," she echoed.

In that moment Alex knew that Olivia shared her feelings about their formerly tenuous but inevitable friendship. Even though things were different now, they could make this work. They weren't six years old anymore, frightened little girls who would cling to whatever hope remained, tenuous though it was. They were grownups, mature enough to know, to understand that this was the way things had to be. Their friendship had begun out of convenience, but it had blossomed into something much stronger, something that even years of absence could never raze.

Suddenly overcome with this knowledge, Alex reached out to hug Olivia, as much out of comfort as out of relief. The barrier that had previously separated them fell down and there was just the two of them, just as it had been twenty years ago. "Friends forever," Olivia whispered in Alex's ear; the same words she'd said at the age of ten, the words that fate had proved true.

For the first time in what seemed like eternity, Alex felt _alive_ again, all because of this. She gave her friend a genuine smile, an expression so foreign to the stoic ADA that it made her face hurt, but she continued to grin as she repeated, "Friends forever."

**So, that's it, and thanks for reading. Please drop me a review if you liked it!**


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